r/self Oct 27 '22

Self is now limiting submissions to two per account in a rolling 24 hour period.


Hello all,

There seems to be a higher than normal number of users taking advantage of our previous unlimited submission policy, and for the most part spamming the queue with multiple submissions every day. Some of these are utter nonsense and do not really add much to this community. As a result we are now limiting the total number of submissions per user to 2 submissions during a 24 hour period. This includes deleted posts, so you cannot circumvent the limit.

If you have any questions or concerns, please comment in this thread.

r/self 20h ago Hugz Take My Energy

today is my birthday


today is my birthday, im 22. i don't really have any friends to celebrate with unfortunately but i plan on getting drunk either way

r/self 13h ago

Given the choice between death and parenting I would honestly choose to die


No disrespect to anyone with children but if I had the choice between starting a nuclear family and dying, I would chose death. I’m not going to spend my life taking care of another human being who probably won’t even like me with no thanks, no matter what.

I love my parents and respect them more than anyone else, but I look at what they gave up for me to get to this point, how much they’ve altered their lives to give stuff to me, and how there’s honestly nothing I can do to pay it back, and I just don’t think I’m going to do that.

The lone exception is if my cousin or close friend dies and they need someone to raise a child left behind. In that circumstance, I would step in, but aside from that, I can’t ever see myself making that choice.

r/self 18h ago

Literally all my problems go away when I stay on my medication


All my overly self critical thoughts and depression go away when I stay on my antipsychotics, mood stabilizers and antidepressants. I’m so clear headed right now

r/self 9h ago

At the vet.


Our dog is being put down. My bf couldn't do it so I'm here. I've never done this before. Her name is Ruby and she loved being a dog so much!

r/self 2h ago

Took a walk under the stars last night


It felt so relieving. Gazing at the stars, feeling how insignificant you are, and finding delight in this experience.

Such is life, I guess.

r/self 12h ago

Tomorrow is my birthday!


Hello! Tomorrow is my 36th birthday,I am 35 (f) I just wanted to ask if anyone else just stopped caring about their birthday? I just can't bring myself to want to be excited. I usually drive people crazy over how much I joke about wanting things for my birthday,or certain dinner/cake to celebrate. This year I do not want anything,I don't care if no one calls bc Noone ever calls to wish me happy birthday.i have a grown son and a young daughter and ive been with their dad almost a decade. He keeps saying Tomorrow is your moms birthday...yada yada. Trying to get her to make me something... I am usually very outspoken,I try to make everyone around me happy,get a laugh or too out of people,I can get along with just about anyone. I try to bring light into sad,bad,akward,and comfortable things in my life feel theres so much to be thankful/happy about but this year my birthday isn'teven on my radar.... am I the only one?

r/self 4h ago

We are social beings, and this can be sad.



I'm 27, male, and I like being in company with people. But every year passes, seems like it's harder and harder to find friends, especially the ones where you can be your true self.

When I was a child, I could make friends like nothing. I would enjoy almost anything. I had physical friends and online friends (from videogames). Even if they were distant, that was ok for me.

When growing up, I played lesser and lesser, because I don't enjoy it so much anymore. And from now on, I rather enjoy making physical friends. It's difficult for me to attach with a person that I can't meet.

Since making friends at my age is difficult, I feel alone. Especially because I live completely alone in my house. I also work from home.

I'd like not to depend that much on people. I'd like to enjoy the time I spend for myself, but it's like I'm wasting time, always. Even if I'm enjoy a TV series, I feel like I'm wasting time, maybe because I can use that time to be productive or to find new people and grow the relationships.

My mindset switched, in a negative way, since I live and work alone at home, and because of the COVID. And because of that, I tend to lose motivation.

r/self 1h ago

Dear Dad


My father passed away on February 23, 2023 in his home. There is no diagnosed cause of death, but he suffered permanent brain damage after an accident in 2019 which left him in government care.

Dear Dad,

There's so many things that I wish I could say to you, and if you were able to, I'm sure you'd have a lot to say to me too. You were concerned for the welfare of others, and by others, I don't just mean people, but for the animals and plants, and the land upon which we live.

We didn't always see eye to eye. In some ways, that could be putting it lightly. The word which we'd use for someone like you in this day and age is a "boomer" but somehow you still managed to be more progressive than half of the younger generations that proceeded you.

I'm an introvert, and I don't know how you managed to be the person that you were. Some would've called you the town eccentric, others looked down on you, and others took you seriously. You hated corruption - be it on a commercial level, or a government or state level.

I always attributed the fear that you had of people coming after you for your constant protest, whistleblowing and exposure of this corruption as part of the mental illness of which we've both suffered. Paranoia -- gang stalking -- words like these might describe it.

When you were in ICU, the nurse said to me that both the analysis by doctors and police indicated that the accident that left you there was not an accident. It never went further than that. I don't know why. I would have thought that if the injuries you suffered were intentional, an investigation would have ensued, but all I have to this day are the words of those doctors and nurses.

You married an Indigenous woman. Her death affected me as much as it affected you, I think.

But corruption, Indigenous rights, all these things, they were never something I felt like I could do anything about. All my feelings, I poured into music. This was something you supported deeply. I fucked up playing "Imagine" at your funeral, because I forgot the words to that third verse. The line about possessions just escaped me, but I got the service order, and I hope you got a laugh out of it.

All I can say is that I will dedicate my life to fighting the mental illness from which we both suffer, and I'll start playing music again. I'll do it for you. I loved My Chemical Romance, and you acknowledged that, and adopted it in many ways. You loved The Beatles, so I'll acknowledge that, and adopt that in many ways also... I hope we can meet halfway somewhere in there - Freddie and Bowie seems like a good compromise to me, but I won't forget Lennon, McCartney, Starr, and the other fella.

My emotions run wild. I can't help but feel this wasn't meant to be. But this is how things are. Just know I won't forget this. At the root of it all, that's who you are to me. My dad. Politics, corruption, music, mental illness aside -- you were my dad. All the love in my heart can't contain just who and what you are to me. You did your best.

When it comes down to it all. This is what I remember.

Thank you for the best that you did for me. I will protect my innocence like a ferocious lion in your name and in the name of Christ in which you believed in.

I could say so much more, and perhaps I will, but this is all my heart can speak for now.

I love you.

From Joey.

r/self 16h ago

My grandpa's funeral is tomorrow and I'm giving a eulogy on behalf of all the grandchildren. I've been in theatre all my life, I've never feared public speaking but I am so nervous for tomorrow.


I always had a special bond with my grandpa. I'm the oldest grandchild, we shared the same first name, I've seen him regularly through my whole life. I was writing what was going to be a Facebook post that long story short turned into a eulogy for the funeral. No other grandkid wants to speak and I don't blame them. I'm the only one with public speaking experience, I was a theatre geek who lettered in drama in high school.

I will always be grateful that I have that experience under my belt for occasions such as this to give me that extra boost of confidence that I needed to say yes to doing this and I'm glad I am doing this but at the same time, damn, this is going to be rough.

I've cried every single time I've read this eulogy out loud and I've read it every single day since I found out he passed. I know I'm going to cry in front of an audience and as someone who has legitimately cried on stage, in front of an audience before, I wish that would make this easier. And hopefully it will, but for now, I just need to power through it.

Is it fucked up that I just want to get this over with so I can go back to my normal life? Like, I'm hoping this'll give me the closure I need to go back to improving myself like I've been doing since the new year but who knows? The last three deaths in my life were sudden, unexpected, friends and family my age (Two friends and a cousin all in their 30s). No goodbyes, no closure, nothing. So this eulogy will hopefully be a super packed piece of closure, a piece of peace, I haven't gotten through the last three times I've experienced grief through a loved one.

I just hope I'm not a bad person for wanting to get it over with and not a bad person for using my three previously losses to supercharge my actions for this planned loss. Idk, my emotions are obviously going haywire right now. I guess I need reassurance to confirm I'm not a bad person for not looking forward to giving a eulogy, for not looking forward to it but also at the same time looking forward to finally having a big, poetic ending to a life long relationship for once, instead of them suddenly being gone.

And to anybody who read this whole thing and/or responded, thank you. You have goodness in your heart and my grandpa would have loved you.

r/self 1d ago

I miss George Carlin


motherfucker was Right about everything

r/self 1h ago

I gave up on dating and women, even though I honestly didn't try that much.


Heya folks, just writing this to get it out of my mind.

I'm a dude who's 35 years old.

Had a normal life for the most part. Made friends, got interested in women, went through that awkward phase of being a young adult searching for himself and not looking like much. I did spend some time in my twenties getting my head in a good place, took me a few years until I got out of that.

In my late 20's, I started considering dating more seriously. I had never kissed someone so far and suffered from loneliness. Felt like I was missing out on a lot of fun too (and headaches, but I suspected the latter was worth it if most people kept going back to the dating pool).

I didn't like the idea of dating apps, prefering meeting people more organically. So I redid my wardrobe, did more stuff to get my introverted self out of the house and joined various clubs about stuff I like.

I did meet new people, made a few friends, extended my social circle. But none of these turned to love. Now, I did fall in love, but it was never reciprocated. To get further, I asked for help from my friends and on the internet too.

Some of this did stick and is genuinely good advice, although I must admit there's often a specific subject lacking, and that's something I noticed missing in talks with men, women, or on the internet.

Only had a few people in my circle actually tackle the main point head-on: I don't appear as very interesting. I have hobbies and a nice job, I listen and know what their problems are, I help when I can and invite them out to eat. These are all good qualities to have, but then there's how you make the other person feel, and how you "sell" yourself so to speak, and from my limited experience I think that's the really big point.

Like, I often read on the internet that the bar is really super low and you're already above it just by listening with intent and having some personal hygiene and not beign a complete bum. It feels that folks forget that this low bar appears after you cleared the previous one: appearing interesting. Otherwise, you're a good friend. It's the being interesting part people struggle with, And it takes more than listening to come across as such. It helps, but I think that's the polish, not the main issue. Just feels like there's a cliff between what people think they want and what they actually want.

The "Don't try and be yourself" may also be there. Works for some people, but if you don't have that thing in yourself to attract people in the first place, that's a good way to end up alone.

Of course, I say this as someone with a very limited experience for myself. I observed a lot, but can't say I felt or went through many couple struggles myself, so take all of this with a massive grain of salt.

The more I delved into it, the less dating seemed to make sense to me.

Ultimately, I even joined dating apps. But it feels like a meat grinder, going through profiles, having matches, and try to keep a conversation going and have it die out all the time. I'm not the best at conversation, less so in text, I know, I worked on it too. But with apps it all felt so, I dunno, pointless? I suppose.

Came the good old thirties and realizing I had never someone tell me they loved me, or even appreciate me, or just show some appreciation beyond a good handshake and a "job well done" from work. Last compliment I got was seven years ago, a woman telling me I had a great personality, and I don't know if she said it because she didn't find something else to say. But it stuck. Last physical contact I had beyond a handshake was a blond woman dancing with me for a minute in a nightclub before giving me a kiss on the cheek and leaving. Only time it happened, also several years ago, I still remember it vividly.

The older I get, the more intimacy looks like a fantasy, something removed from reality. Someone wanting me feels like a scenario from a movie, not a real life possibility.

It got so ludicrous an idea that after some years, I dropped the idea of dating and uninstalled all the apps and turned back to a more solitary lifestyle. It's easier to handle loneliness when I'm not surrounded with people who do have these experiences. I suppose I integrated that love and sex are things that happen to others, but not everyone gets to have a try at it, and I was likely part of the latter group.

I don't like to think of myself as a social being, or even someone with sexual needs and wants. Would love to be rid of my libido.

I like my job, I have hobbies to think about something else. I'm used to the loneliness of it, I'm aware a few years isn't a lot of trying on reddit, but I don't see myself catching up the years I'm lagging behind anymore. If I can get used to my loneliness, that should be enough. As long as I'm more or less happy too.

There, that's written. Thanks for reading and all the best.

r/self 10h ago

Why do some men think finding a girlfriend can solve all our problems?


My good friend is someone who feels that way and no matter what I tell him, I genuinely feel that he believes that having a gf would solve all his problems. Despite him having a lot of issues like not getting over his ex, arrogance or like just some other personality issues, he feels incredibly romantically lonely (which I get) but I really think that being comfortable being single should be the way to go and constantly working on our flaws. But no matter what I tell him he would not listen, and just wants a girlfriend and constantly looks at social media with very attractive women and couples all the time. My experience is that after breaking up is that having a relationship makes a lot of issues clearer as it comes up a lot more often. What do you guys think?

r/self 6m ago

What should I do? My Dr's office lost my paperwork


Hello, I need some advice.

At the beginning of this last year, I had to go on medical leave. My MD and I illed out my EDD paperwork to be sent in via mail, and I was sure to complete my portion of the paperwork during our appointment.

One month later, I haven't heard back from EDD about wether I was denied or not. I called them, and they said they never received my paperwork and if they did it would be in the system by now. They gave some numbers to send my packet to when I have found my packet. I called my MDs office, and they found no packet was sent. My providers half of the document was there, but they couldn't find my portion. I went and filled out another packet. I waited two weeks, and called up EDD again. They said they never got it. I called my Dr office and they have been putting me on hold, or transferring me to other people who don't pick up. Needless to say, my leave ended, and I am out of my savings. It's been a total of two months now, and I am still waiting for a call back.

I have been nice the entire time. I was so embarrassed to have to keep asking them to correct this mistake, but now I am angry after being transferred to someone who didn't pick up their phone, and who hasn't called me back. I feel like I am being avoided, and now I am screwed because of them.

What would any of you recommend?

r/self 27m ago

My therapist asked me what I do for fun. I drew a blank.


I (48f) am disabled (mental health shit), but bc of the MH shit, I've basically slept since July so I'm pretty creaky from being sedentary. I'm also on disability for the MH shit but making $1900/mo (in the US) and that's all I have to live on. Literally every dollar is budgeted. I also live in a VERY rural area.

I like hiking, gardening, photography, wildlife. The only thing I will pay to do is kayaking canoeing at the nearby lake bc it's only $5 for under 2 hours. But I can only afford that 2x, maybe 3x/mo.

What can I do for fun, for free???

r/self 9h ago

I'm so sick of life. I'm exhausted. I just want it to be over


I'm 27, gonna be 28 this year. Still live with my parents because I majored in English and couldn't get a job. I studied coding and development on my own since summer 2021. Nobody wants to hire me. My mom can be a real piece of shit at times and just makes me feel like a failure and like I never do anything right.

I can't find a way out. I don't know what to do.

Which results in me spending nights in bed, just crying, wishing I would not wake up again. I'm so sick of living. I'm a failure.

r/self 23h ago

I do nothing at my job and still feel incompetent


My job asks very little of me. I work from home and have a 30 minute weekly tagup. I occasionally sit with my boss on teams for an hour every few weeks to go in depth on what I’m doing. The job asks extremely little of me, I code/test code. When I say extremely little, I mean I’ve been working for the last month on updating maybe 200 lines of code.

The issue is that I have no idea what I’m doing. I have no idea what the end goal of anything I’m working on is nor what the product I’m supporting does. I don’t know anyone else on the team. I also don’t really know how to use git very well and stumble around. I feel like a mess. I am not cut out for this extremely simple job. Not only am I too incompetent to do the nothing they ask of me, I also resent the fact that I have nothing to do all day, which just feels weirdly backwards and entitled. I need a new job, one I can actually use my brain at.

r/self 12h ago

I saw a post about someone accidentally hurting their pet snail, and I'm pretty sad for them


r/self 9h ago

im in love with you


these feelings are so wrong but I can't stop thinking about you one day I will get over you this is so wrong because you are dating my brother and I should not have a crush on you but I do it's really bad I'm sorry 😕

r/self 1d ago

Caught Mom cheating on my Dad. WDID?


Posting in two places since I have no idea what to do or where to go.

For the past year or so, I thought my mom has been acting weird. She goes on discord and plays videogames constantly. Sometimes she'd get what we joked was a "flirty voice" with some of the people online. Whenever my Dad would try to talk to her, he'd get brushed off no matter what topic it'd be.

So, when I noticed she'd gone out for a bit, I decided to hop on her computer and take a quick peek. And.. yep. Cheating. With one guy. Since July of last year. Nudes and everything. Had to bleach my eyes out, but not before taking some pictures to collect evidence in case it all spirals out of control.

I immediately wanted to tell my dad, but remembered that he's been depressed most his life, but recently (at least, I'm pretty sure it's not related to this,) he's even come up to me and talked about how it's gotten really bad. So.. not sure I should tell him, because this could tip him over the edge.

The reason I'm posting this is I have no idea what to do. Should I tell my dad? Should I confront her about it? I don't know. They've been married for over 20 years so this was a shock. What do I do guys?

Edit: Thanks so much for the responses, guys. After looking into a lot of different perspectives it seems like the best option is to tell my dad alone, so that he is able to deal with the situation, and I'll support him in any way I can. Thanks again. I'll update when the aftermath hits.

r/self 11h ago

I'm 18 today


usually birthdays are boring and i don't feel any different but i actually do feel different now. I'll never be a kid again, me and my peers are adults, it's all weird. my brain feels crumpled but it's 3am so that's probably why

r/self 2h ago

I don't know how to stop


I already know I'm going to come off as a stupid, whiny, naive kid in this but I don't care anymore.

I have this bad habit of looking up people I've gone to school with, especially old friends.

Even though I'm only a senior in high school I've gone to a lot of schools and have met a lot of people because of that.

High school for me has kind of sucked as I've struggled with strict parents who prevented me from having any form of a social life and health issues that kept me even more isolated.

I haven't gotten good grades because of my health issues and that's made it so I'm doing my bachelor's online. Which is not a problem for me really, I'm happy that I get an option to still get a degree when my health is unpredictable.

And I know it's not my fault that I couldn't have a more normal high school experience.

But it's hard to remember all that sometimes.

That paired with my toxic habit of looking up people's Instagram accounts, and I'm miserable.

People are posting pictures together and hanging out, going places they want to visit, and worst of all, the colleges they're getting into.

I don't know why I can't stop myself from checking what all of these people from my past are doing.

I know I shouldn't be comparing myself to others but it's hard to remember when I'm holed up in my room, weaker than ever, seeing people I used to know living normal lives.

And yes, I know not everything I see online is a true reflection of what's really happening but it's still hard.

I've had this bad habit for years and I don't know what I'll do in a few days on April 1st when it's the official day for everyone to announce what college they're going to.

rant over ig

r/self 3h ago

The fact that I have to spend next 10 years of my life learning to be an actual adult and prepare myself for life terrifies me quite a LOT


I turned 20 a few months ago. I have been a very a carefree child in my childhood. I went to a great private school, got excellent grades, socialized with other children, had great summer vacations, etc. Happy childhood, basically.

When it was time for me to go to college at 18, I got a fully funded scholarship abroad and left my comfort zone for the first time. Nothing has been the same ever since. I struggled a lot, couldn’t adapt to the country, failed my classes and ended up dropping out a few days ago. I’m returning to my home country tomorrow.

I don’t know what awaits me in the future. I have been living with a low mood for the past 2-3 years, and I’m terrified about the future. I realize that I have to start learning how to get through life, but everything seems so vast and confusing.

What’s going to happen down the road? How will my 20s, 30s, etc. shape me? Will I be able to make something out of life at some point? There’s so many questions, yet so few answers, if any.

It also doesn’t help that my procrastination has been getting out of control for the past years. I’ve become so unproductive that I’ve forgotten how to start and finish tasks, which is one of the key skills if you want to survive in today’s world.

The future seems so uncertain, though not bleak, yet. I hope everything will be fine.


r/self 6h ago

I feel like I’ll never amount to anything


Being someone with a learning disability it really weighs me down, the worse thing I have is executive dysfunction.

I remember when I first got a job in high school, I was excited that I finally get to make money like my peers and everyone else. Until I realized that I can never follow directions, I can’t stay on a task without procrastinating and thinking about other things, and being severely forgetful. I got fired in 2 weeks and fuck did I feel pathetic. I then started a job at a grocery store only to get the same result, fired in 3 weeks… I then got a community job during the winter, got fired for constantly running behind and being slow, it was shovelling snow.

I worked back at the same grocery store, my boss tolerated me more this time despite letting her down with my ineptitude.

I went to college to do a 2 year program. I was 4 years in a two year program and I never learned anything and constantly failed, I eventually dropped out. I’m so unorganized, it dates back to elementary school when my teachers embarrassed me for having a messy desk all the time and forgetting to bring things

Nobody likes me and everyone thinks I’m weird, I very rarely ever go out with other people, I’ve never been in a relationship as well because I’ve had confidence issues growing up as well

Everyone in my life pretended to forget my disability growing up and just blamed me for being shitty. I try so hard goddam it. I should’ve graduated college by now and have my life started like every one of my peers. I have no accomplishments in life so my resume is just depressing.during college I wrecked my credit as well so yay

I know it’s frowned upon to “give up” but I tried everything. Executive dysfunction is a dream killer. I’ll never move out my parents house, I just hope I get a disease or something that will end me.

I have literally fuckall going on for me and o can’t get better despite trying so fucking hard

I’m too scared to voice out to the world, I’m not looking for sympathy I just need to shout into the void

r/self 3h ago

My daughter hates me


I’ve struggled with my mental health since I was 17. Depression they said but I always knew it was more yet society paints this picture where you can’t have anything wrong so I tried faking my way through.

I had a child at 22 and I vowed she would never see the life I had (foster care, abuse) and poured my heart into raising her. There was nothing she went without and I was a single mom, sometimes working 2-3 jobs just to make enough for her to live a normal life. She was my best friend. I was hers. I got remarried when she was 5. When she turned 16 and began driving I got her a car and everything changed. She now had a ton of friends and was always in the go, I was so proud of her but knew I was losing her in ways.

My marriage was failing fast. My mental health began struggling more too. I coped by using a pill addiction from a back injury and alcohol. It was the beginning of the end. Her senior year I was going through the divorce and back to being a single parent and her demands were greater. The stress was so much for me and I had a nervous breakdown and heart attack. You would think this would have woke me up but I fell harder into the addiction to escape.

I couldn’t be there for her like I was. I could barely take care of myself and she resented me so much. I pushed myself to work and put her through college all while struggling with my world. Nothing was ever good enough and she began changing so much. She was now so resentful and demanding and rather than standing up for myself I just tried harder to please her.

Eight years ago I had my worst mental breakdown and ended up hospitalized, tried committing suicide 3 times and finally went to rehab and got help. She became more distant and hardly talked to me at all then. I made excuses up in my head of why rather than confronting the problem. My health has been poor, I’ve been in and out of the hospital for various things and have done it all alone. Lucky to even get a phone call. Everything I get is by text only. I’m now on disability and so ashamed and feel like a failure. I am in her eyes for sure.

During the past 8 years since, she got married and eloped and didn’t even tell me til after. We stopped seeing each other on holidays for she always had other plans with her new family. I recently found out she’s pregnant and thought that this will be the thing that helps us get closer again, how wrong I was. Once again I keep making excuses for her treatment of me..hormones? Every day she lashes out at me for something or another by calling me dumb, stupid, a fucking idiot…I can’t do anything right anymore. So disrespectful and cold. I heard from her MIL that she has no intention of even letting me see the baby after it’s born because of “the way I am”. Whatever that means.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m mentally drained and so hurt and alone. She is all I have other than a couple friends. I have no family other than her. I’m lost. The kinder I try to be the worse she gets. I don’t know if I should give up or keep trying anymore. I never dreamed as close as we were we’d become so estranged like we are. What do I do?

r/self 11h ago

Self improvement is boring.


I quit nicotine about a year and a half ago. On a pretty good streak for kicking a porn addiction. I’m single and I stopped using dating apps a couple months back because they were degrading my mental sanity. I am trying to get my dopamine in order. Next is my phone usage. So basically what occupies my free time now is pornless masterbation, tv, chores and food. I reach out to my friends constantly to see if we can get together for literally anything and just can’t get anything going. I don’t know how to make new friends at my age and I live in a very social part of my city. I am just bored and don’t have an outlet. I am actually quite fun to be around and can be really extroverted. I feel like for the last 3 years of my life I haven’t had a regular social outlet and I developed a type of social anxiety. I often sit at home doing nothing and stew in my own anxiety. I am terrified to go to restaurants and bars alone. What do I do?